Photo via The Lasso
9: A criminal investigation into the cabinetry store near the Taco Bell on Route 7
It seemed sketchy, but it turns out that it’s clean. Weird, right?
8: Testing whether vape stores had age restrictions by actually trying to purchase a vape.
It probably would have worked, but Sam said that it was a bad idea. I listen to Sam.
7: Calling the Hershey’s customer service line without a plan to interview them.
I mumbled something about Halloween candy and then called them without thinking about it.
6: Upon calling Hershey’s customer service line, beginning to stutter while asking if they have a rivalry with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
The answer was no, in case you were wondering.
5: Trying to hire a personal assistant named Donna
Donna would have been helpful. I wish this was possible. (Idea was stolen from The West Wing.)
4: Creating a Lasso anti-drug task force.
Not sure what we would have done. Or how we would have done it. Sounded cool though.
3: Leaving your field trip group behind and going to the Washington Monument for the nearby McDonald’s.
The restaurant lines were too long, so we were going to just Metro one stop to get lunch. We ended up on the National Mall.
2: Creating a corruption scandal in FCCPS so I’d have something to write about.
Falls Church is kind of a utopia, school-wise. Coming up with exciting things to write about is hard!
1: Creating a fake, rival newspaper titled The Blasso to boost readership.
It would write the exact opposite of every Lasso opinion piece. The Blasso’s reporters would have names that were the reverse spelling of actual Lasso reporters. Its mascot would be a walrus.