The Lasso

Satire: The Universe reveals that March was all just an April Fool’s Day prank

Coronavirus Disease 2019. (Photo Courtesy of U.S. Air Force)

Sam Mostow and Liam Timar-Wilcox

April 1, 2020

The Universe revealed that March was one massive, cruel April Fool's Day prank after one of the longest, most chaotic months to date. In its apology statement, The Universe agreed to rewind the world back to the start of 2020. "Sorry, y'all, I didn't know that I would cause all of this," The Universe...

Satire: Ways to take advantage of the coronavirus outbreak

Hand sanitizer on a counter

Sam Mostow, Sports Editor

April 1, 2020

With school closed for the rest of the year due to the coronavirus outbreak, things are looking pretty bleak. However, it’s not all bad! Here are some ways to take the bad circumstances of this outbreak and put it to your advantage: Fudging your resumé If you’re planning on applying for college soon, ...

A review of all of Mason’s water fountains

A photo of two fountains on the F-hallway main floor. Photo by Sam Mostow

Sam Mostow and Liam Timar-Wilcox

November 8, 2019

Mason has a lot of water fountains. Fifteen, by our count. For your convenience, The Lasso went around the school and reviewed all of them. Photos by Sam Mostow and Liam-Timar Wilcox....

Satire: Dear George Mason

Satire: Dear George Mason

Truman Lapp, Staff Reporter

September 20, 2019

Dear George Mason, I’m finding it hard to manage all of my grades with some being in PowerSchool and some being in the Schoology grade book. What should I do? Sincerely, Stressed Dear Stressed,  I have little or no idea what you are talking about. What is PowerSchool? Is it operated by hand o...

Satire: Alternate uses for Wild Horse Wednesday

Students walk around the club fair.

Liam Timar-Wilcox and Sam Mostow

March 11, 2019

Many students at George Mason High School were skeptical when the concept of a ‘Wild Horse Wednesday’ was introduced at the start of the school year. This extra block is used for various purposes, including class assemblies and a course selection fair. However, if ideas ever run thin, the Lasso ...

Ten emojis perfect for any student

Ten emojis perfect for any student

Anna Tarter, Managing Editor

January 15, 2019

1). 2.) 3.) 4.) 5.) 6.) 7.) 8.) 9.) 10.) ...

Student enjoys administration’s cancelation of midterm week

GMHS administration stands outside of school in their halloween costumes.

Sam Mostow, Sports Editor

January 14, 2019

To the surprise of everyone, student Sally Johnson, junior, said that she doesn’t, in fact, detest the administration of George Mason canceling the annual midterm week. “While all my friends like getting out of school at noon for a week so they can go home and study, I enjoy this extra time trap...

Guns for everyone?

Little tyke exercises his second amendment right to bear arms. (Photo courtesy of C 4 Ranch and Lodge website)

West Hagler, Staff Reporter

April 6, 2018

Note: Beating a Dead Horse is a regular satire column from Lasso authors. All names and likenesses are fictional. The Lasso Editorial Board and FCCPS do not espouse or endorse opinions expressed in these columns. Enjoy! Recently, there have been proposals to issue firearms to 20 percent of the teache...

7 olympic events for students

Olympic finalists pose with their medals during the 2018 PyeongChang Winter Olympics (Photo courtesy of unknown account via Flickr)

Anna Tarter, Managing Editor

March 8, 2018

1. Sycophant Scramble An elite group of athletes have trained their whole school career for this occasion. When time starts, Olympians rush to their laptops and fiercely dig through their teacher’s Facebook and various other social media accounts to gather as much information about their interests as ...

Freshman chooses a Mustang Rodeo she has a genuine interest in

Girl smiling in cafeteria

Anna Tarter, Managing Editor

March 1, 2018

On Thursday, February 22, shortly after Eventbrite had been opened for students to reserve tickets for the annual Mustang Rodeo, freshman Courtney Odemis informed her friends that she had already chosen a Mustang Rodeo to attend. According to Isabelle Anderson, a friend of Odemis’, “I mean, I ...

6 Valentine’s Day Cards to send your friends

6 Valentine’s Day Cards to send your friends

Anna Tarter, Managing Editor

February 14, 2018

  [huge_it_gallery id="50"]...

7 Back to School Products That Didn’t Make the Cut

Back-to-school_sale_at_Wal-Mart_Newburgh_NY

Anna Tarter, Managing Editor

October 12, 2017

  Painfully Honest Notez Do you want to start the day off with a smile? Well, you can’t. With Painfully Honest Notez, you’ll get what you deserve. These notes are small and perpetually cute, decorated with pinterest-approved smiley faces and über cute borders. To top it off, each note comes with...

George Mason High School Student Newspaper - The Lasso
Satire